Mike and the terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad imaginary sports radio interview

When revisionist history requires some people to manufacture the present…you may as well have fun with it #1.

SCENE: A local radio sports talk show that blares out the speakers of all the local radios when it’s on. Families gather around the hifi, bars stop serving while it’s on, and theaters schedule movietimes around it.

SPORTS RADIO HOST MIKE: “Yesterday the Hope Mills Bee scored all the touchdowns and broke all the records again for the Trade St. Terrors. He also got all the interceptions in their win over the Rockfish Rd. Sharks. We’re waiting on the Hope Mills Bee to call in to the show for the usual day-after interview, but he hasn’t called yet. He was supposed to call at 10:10 and it’s almost 11. He’s usually pretty punctual. We’ll probably have to reschedule, but he’s always a great interview, so that’s no problem. And hopefully he’ll be here soon. In the meanwhile, we can talk about how great he played some more. Stick around, we’ll be back after this.”

CUT TO COMMERCIALS
Fox Drive-In
Record Bar
Quality Shop
House of Zonk
D-103
REJOIN AFTER COMMERCIALS

SPORTS RADIO HOST MIKE: “Welcome back to the Wide World of Sports, we’ve got a caller, who’s this, caller?”

CALLER BILL: “Hey. This is Bill. I just wanted to say that that interview with the Hope Mills Bee was terrible. I can’t believe the things he said or the way he said them. He’s really a terrible person.”

SPORTS RADIO HOST MIKE: “But his interviews are always informative and entertaining in an edifying way. Plus, he scored all the touchdowns and broke all the records yesterday. The local team is undefeated and is getting a bye into the Super Bowl. He feeds the hungry and gives aid to those low in spirit. He’s never done anything wrong we’ve heard of.”

CALLER BILL: “Oh I’m sure he has, some people have told me so, because he’s a crook. I’m pretty sure. You should just ignore him.”

SPORTS RADIO HOST MIKE: “What was your favorite part of the interview, Bill?”

CALLER BILL: “I hated all of it. It made me sick. All of it. He’s got dishonorable intentions and is obviously up to no good. Please never have him on your show again.”

SPORTS RADIO HOST: “But he scored all the touchdowns and broke all the records again yesterday. He’s stiffing us on the call-in but he’s always been a great guy as far as we can tell.”

CALLER BILL: “I’m pretty sure he’s not. Even though I just heard of him when you started the show, I’ve already told everyone about it.”

SPORTS RADIO HOST MIKE: “Hey thanks for the call Bill. Call us back after the Bee actually calls in. I’m getting word that the Hope Mills Bee just rescued a bus load of penguins that bumped into a South of the Border sign on I-95. We’ll have more later, no doubt. Next caller, you’re on the air.”

CALLER: “That last caller stole my thunder. I got nothing, but here’s a cut and paste. CLICK”

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